Check “Her”

Its been a while since I visited her. I think of her often, in fact daily but I keep the thought of her at bay and put some barrier in between us so that I couldn’t see her for the rest of the day and hope that the day goes smooth. Woah! That sounds terrible isn’t it. Its like seeing your parent and shutting the door close. I wouldn’t do that to my family, but I do that to her, a lot. Do I not consider her as my family? I never asked this question to myself and I’ll be ashamed to tell the truth that she has been a part of me for forever, even before I knew she existed.

How could she be a part of me and I still not consider her as my family? Maybe because the word “family” is evolving with me but not on the dictionary available online. Here is an attempt to define that word, family; it is a group of people that I love, care, respect, appreciate, grateful, supportive, thoughtful about and I receive the same sense of feelings from others. I guess that’s it. To be honest, as per dictionary- I still have a family of more than 200 people who gather around every now-and-then (of course not in this pandemic though). But as per my definition, it has reduced to a quarter of it. But that’s not it! I have lots of new members in my family and if I sum it up, it would again become a family of 200 people but with a small difference; many of my family members don’t know each other but I’m sure that whenever they meet, they will become a part of each individual’s family.

What about my friends? Growing in a family where more than 200 people live in a colony of a family, I never had a friend outside my family until after high school. That was the time when I started evolving, questioning everything and sometimes I used to do the bravest thing I could have done- to speak my mind. So, to me, I have a hard time defining friends but I consider them under my definition of family if they are fine with that!

I did said that I did the bravest thing when I spoke my mind- that was me at the bravest because that is when I gave permission to myself to let others know the “Real Me”. To my surprise, I was not tortured or bullied or thrown into a pit of disgrace, but I felt that I gave permission to that person too to do the same thing as me and they did, every time! How do I know that they spoke their mind? Because SHE NEVER LIES. That was the first time I realized that she was a part of me and that gave me a feeling of belonging. In that moment, I felt like I belong there, in that moment, in that talk, in that so trivial a talk, that I don’t even remember what it was or with whom it was with. I am glad I met her that day.

With the moments passing by, I have taken her for granted, giving legit reasons not to meet her. I have forgotten that I have such an amazing family just because of her, because she helped me talk to everyone that we all are now connected in a deeper level (even though we are far and haven’t talked in a while). I miss her and yet I don’t meet her. Isn’t that unfair to her? She deserves a lot yet she doesn’t get much and she never complaints! Think about it!

I am going to check “Her”; my emotions. Hope that you do it too.

Peace